~gold bound~
you are the unabridged novel
that all writers like me dream of
and after I finish you, I sit back
and I read you over and over
and after awhile, I realize
that it is you who has written me
~more revealing~
in all fairness
I should tell you that
you only captured several
of the many compartments
that comprise my heart
and yes, I DO realize
that holding out the rest
is not likely the best way
to build whatever it is
we are attempting to construct
but at least, I am honest
and you know where your footing is
though, perhaps not completely stable
I'd like very much to give more
of an insight in to the remaining
intricacies that when strung together
create some assemblance
of a greater whole I call myself
the woman; the apparition of experience
blurred by eraser smears as I
try over and over to get it right
marking more than paper with the score
that embeds a little deeper every time
so that even when I've removed
the first so called answer
and moved on to writing the next
there remains in indentation in my soul
further deepening the hole
that I know that no one but me can fill
and still we try
and for the most part, I'm self sufficient
and seek merely a partner to jog alongside
the track with me; it's a race- not by choice
rather forced upon us by the sand grains
steadily falling every day to ensure
we feel the sense of urgency to keep the pace
as not to buckle under their growing weight
and sometimes, I admit; I get really fucking tired
and I can't keep up with you
no matter how much I wish that I could
and I take a time out for myself
and sort out the remaining compartments
to which you don't have access
hoping to clean up some of my mess
before you get in and discover
that perhaps I don't have the tidiest mind
remember that I did not have to admit
the things I have chosen to share
and I hope you won't get too impatient
and take a crowbar to the locks
because right now, I cannot afford
to replace or repair any damage you might cause
I'm tapped for the moment and residing
in rebuild mode; replenishing once again
the depleted mental reservoir's resource
so I can contribute my fair share
to any and all of our endeavors
though you only have a few
of the many parts of me I have to offer
you should know that my intent
is to allocate the remaining shares
to you, as they gain value
and I hope this finds you smiling
and embracing possibilities
because according to my parents
I'm one hell of a catch
though, please feel no pressure to chase me
just run beside me patiently
and decide for yourself if it is right
~Dressing Room ~
I wonder if we ever get too tired
to try on love
I am in awe of how well it fits me
when I can find it in my size
takes a lot of trying on
to get that perfect fit
and sometimes, the waiting room
gets crowded and boring
and I decide I'd rather be at home
but then, I remember how it feels
soft; pressing tightly against my skin
never clinging, or hanging
instead, a gentle flow
flattering to both...
I look damn good in love
which is why I am still shopping
and to hell with the bargain bin
I want the full priced deal
I don't mind paying for real value
it becomes a pleasure to give a lot
when the warmth of it holds me
in to the shape I am and want to be
hell; I'll never get too tired
to try on love until I find
the one made just for me
~Forgiving You~
maybe it's the mirage
of acceptance
of my human condition
but I keep looking
for a way to dig
the heel of your
combat boot youth
and frightened immaturity
out of my back
so many faces
reminding me of you
who never had time
you, who traded your life
for a cheap whore
during the promise
breaking, for young love
and your TET offensive
recovery
comes at a high price
for me now
some thirty-four
years later
before finally knowing you
really love me
your acceptance
secretly sought
in the arms of every man
I have ever loved
never loved enough
by any one
for lack of you
the ever comedian
stage front for saving
others to save yourself
and I forgive you
for not knowing
how to love
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BIO: Chloe Ryan is 34 but clinging to "chick status".
She has 20 poems in a poetry book "Dark Nights", has
her own book, "Leaving Yesterday", published by Crazy
Horse Publishing, and was recently published in The
Dream People and Nirvana Flats. She's rumored to being
doing something at the 2003 Pop Culture Association's
Annual Conference, but then again, there are probably
many rumors about her...she only admits to the good
ones. She claims "life is so full of possibilities and
the thrill of the unknown is so great".
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